Life is tough. Life is really fucking tough.

I think that pretty much everyone will say this. For some of us, though, I think things are just a bit tougher then for others. When we don’t fit into the typical cultural scripts it can make it hard to find a safe space where we fit in and feel comfortable. When we don’t fit into more then one of the typical scripts the struggle is just compounded. And when we appear to or present as if we fit the scripts life is an invisible struggle that is alienating and lonely even from those who are suppose to be the closest to us. There is just no way for them to relate to us. Then we still have to add on all the typical baggage those who are typical also deal with. It is just a lot.

My life at this point has felt like I have just been struggling to figure out what is wrong with me which has been difficult and damaging to my self esteem, self worth and sense of value. What I am learning, and have been learning for the last couple years, is that nothing is actually wrong with me. I actually relate to and fit in with a number of invisible minorities and the lack of language and representation around these have left me feeling other, alienated and alone. This is a cultural issue and not something that is my fault or something that is appropriate for me to be taking on as shame or guilt.

In learning about the invisible minorities I relate to I have been relieved to discover that I am not actually alone in feeling so other, alienated and alone. There are places I belong and spaces I can find a home in, spaces where I can feel understood and appreciated. This has been an empowering process and if I can add my voice to the many others who are starting to speak up, if I can help others find these invisible minorities, I want to.

Learning about and identifying as a neurogivergent, asexual, aromantic, polyamourous and genderqueer human along with having so much alone time to spend reflecting on these topics in relation to myself while long haul trucking has been profoundly life altering. I feel as though I am at a cross roads. The place where if I make the right choices for me and don’t loose myself to others I can really discover who I am, how to truly love and appreciate myself and what gifts I have that I can offer others because of my uniqueness.

It is scary. So so scary.

I am choosing to restart this blog as a gift to myself. It is something I have wanted to do for so long but just have not prioritised among all the other things that were asking for my time. I enjoy writing. It helps me process and learn and I feel amazing levels of gratitude when the actions I take can help others. I have learned so much from other bloggers and hope that in sharing my story others can learn from me. I hope others can find support, aid and inspiration in my journey.

This is my journey, and at nearly halfway to old in the time line of my life I am ready to really embark.