i hate you.  i cannot help it.  i do.  you betrayed me more than anyone i have ever known.  it destroyed me.  it has been so hard to put the pieces of myself back together and you have pulled at them, peeling back my work and efforts so often through the past year and a half.  

i feel vindictive and spiteful.  i will not feel ashamed by this.  i have a right to these emotions and they are healthy feelings to have after my experiences.  you built your new life on a weak and insufficient foundation and i take vengeful joy at the thought of it all crumbling down around you.

i am pretty sure you are not happy.  i can see it in the tone of your emails.  i am glad.  i hope you learn a lesson though i doubt you will.

as i move through healing from your actions i find it easier to not care about you, and i find the times where i don’t care last longer and longer.  i still have moments of anger, hate and spite but i will not push them away.  i will allow them to naturally fade into the back ground along with you.

i loved you.  real love.  not cathexis type love, often confused with real love where we enjoy how others make us feel, but real love where i truly wanted the best for you, to support you in your happiness and growth.  i would have stood by you through anything if you had just been honest.

i would still be you friend, if you put the time in and did all the work i asked of you, i begged you to do during our marriage.

i don’t know if that will fade.